Generations ago Indonesians realised that they have something special. A gorgeously landscaped country that is virtually unrivalled, they knew it would attract visitors from far and wide and would eventually become the place for world class hikes, beaches, culture and history. Back when tourists first arrived on the shores of Java and made their way to Bali they were met with warm locals keen to share what they had with outside eyes. And word spread, those few visionaries have helped turn parts of Indonesia into places or pilgrimage for year round backpackers and Australians looking for sun during August.
The Indonesian government keen to get in on this tourist influx introduced eye watering split pricing that see’s tourists paying insanely excessive entry fees to anything worth seeing. Rumour has it a tourist was seen looking at a tree, as he walked away an Indonesian official quickly set up a ticket desk with fees similar to that of the observation deck at the Empire State Building in New York. The reality is, though many tourists shore up the extortionate fees many arrive expecting paradise and then are stunned to find they simply cannot afford it.
No where is scamming more blatant than with Grab in the following places: Probolinggo, Banyuwangi, Bali. When Grab first extended it’s reach to East Java and Bali, local taxi drivers that had spent years fleecing tourists were up in arms. Their excuse, they didn’t want international companies profiting at the expense of locals. I put that into google translate and it came out as following: They didn’t want tourists getting a fair price. Their argument is weak, many international companies operate in Indonesia. McDonald’s and KFC for example, surely they are taking money away from local Warungs? The reality is simple, these scumbag drivers that for decades have been refusing to use the meter, threatening tourists, and charging insane prices aren’t happy that they can longer feed their greed. So what do they do. They operate in areas on scooters and threaten Grab drivers. One driver refused to pick me up and made us walk a few hundred meters in Bali to meet him. He explained that the ‘taxi mafia’ threaten him with violence if he doesn’t pay them, and then leave the area not to return.
On my last trip to Bali I stayed at a place called Kosta Hostel near Seminyak, a no Grab pick up area. I walked outside the hostel with my bags and kids and a driver appeared out of nowhere asking where I was going. I asked if he would use the meter and he refused, saying that to go to Ubung bus terminal (for Java) was a fixed price of 300K. I walked away and another driver appeared, no meter, 500K. We walked about a mile, and used Grab. The ride cost 45K, but the driver refused to drop us at Ubung bus terminal because he said it was a ‘red zone’ and not safe for him.
This goes known, noticed and completely unpunished. You only have to do a search of Bali taxi reviews and you will see just how often tourists are scammed and just how desperate these conmen are at keeping going the famous and extremely boring Bali taxi scams.
Do yourself a favour, get Grab on your phone and check the price of a journey. Don’t be one of those tourists that compares the prices to those at home, you are not at home. Every time another tourist pays extortionate fees for a taxi ride these scumbags tick another box for a time to come. Walk a little, get Grab, and stay safe.
Without doubt though, Ubud is gorgeous. It really is, featured in Eat, Prey, Love it has attracted middle aged women trying to find themselves for the past few years and with them, naturally prices have risen. But, standards have remained consistent with even the stingiest of rooms being of a decent standard.
Accommodation in Ubud is largely homestay based and local Balinese are proud people who work hard, and aim to please. For those with cash to burn Ubud is also home to some of the most luxurious and most beautiful hotels in Asia. Think spas, tea light candles and massages for breakfast surrounded by rice fields. Then add ten thousand vehicles to roads designed to take a hundred and your first, and last memory of Ubud will be the torturous traffic that brings the entire place to a complete standstill.
The main road in the town is aptly called Monkey Forest rd due to the monkey forest at the end, which up until recently was a great value place to come face to face with Balinese monkeys, but now charges 70k per person., All the parallel roads leading from that eventually encompass a few other once independent villages. Temples dot the streets and in terms of Balinese culture it is perhaps as good as it gets.
Mainly Hindu, temples saturate the locality and offerings fill the streets. Everuy now and again you momentarily forget you are in Bali but have been transported to a cultural and beautifully manicured paradisiac of nature. High priced food, £2 for a can of coke and taxi fares to make your eyes water (read Grab in Indonesia) dominate this once sleepy village. Once perfect and quiet temples are now magnets for touts looking to exploit their own religion and a tenner might get you a traditional dance. But dig a little deeper and step beyond the tourist filled joints and you will find local Warungs trading great food for good prices. Warung Sun Sun was our favourite with mains from 22K.
Ubud and its surrounding villages sort of straddle ridges and there are many walks you can talk, such as the heavily congested Campuan ridge walk, first made famous by a few lines in a Lonely Planet guide book, and now a pilgrimage for every tourist in Ubud. But there are many more, most have trailheads marked on google maps.
Years ago on my first visit to Ubud I reflected on the hike:
As we passed scenery that would make it onto the pages of National Geographic we played games, kicked coconuts and sang songs whilst skipping through rice fields on the sly. It was perfection in a perfect place and we had finally found the side to Bali that people crave. We passed abandoned temples, walked through tiny villages and were the only foreigners in sight. Suddenly, a place we just could not love became paradise and nothing mattered. We had discovered that magic piece of something that had first drawn tourists to Bali in the seventies, that special moment and magical view that lives with you long after you have left. We found a local shop and I convinced the woman owner to make us a late lunch which cost us pence, and as we sat eating perhaps the cheapest meal on the entire island we looked out across rice fields and Jack (my son) did his gangam style dance. The kids played with a tiny dog called La la and free lollies were handed out. I realised that this was Bali, this was the Balinese and as much as I knew it was a temporary high and that we would soon head back to reality I knew this was a moment we should cherish.
Sadly hiking it again did not offer those feelings of enjoyment due to the sheer number of people.
Pretty much every local on the streets of Ubud is either a taxi driver, masseuse or offers a tour. And it seems the most popular tour is the ‘Instagram tour’. An overpriced, 6 hr jolly through the best places to take photos in Bali, starting with the so called Bali swing which will set you back 200K. However, if you head to Tegalalang and the rice fields you can get a go for 50K. Ignore anyone who tries to sell you a ticket to the area. It is completely free but again difficult to get a good photograph due to the amount of tourists.
So is it worth a visit to Ubud? Absolutely. So many people are there because it is that good, that beautiful and you are never far away from somewhere where no one is, but that is stunning and green. Taxis from Kuta should be around 250K, but like everything else in Bali, good luck.
About 8 years ago I visited Bromo and Probolinggo and fell in love. It epitomised for me the rugged, natural beauty that volcanoes purveyed and seemed to be unrivalled. It was a masterpiece, an artists final work of art, one which when complete, would remain the pastel of his judgement.
Over the years Probolinggo has gained a reputation amongst backpackers and travellers as being a Javanese hotbed of scams and misery. Aptly referred to as ‘Scambolinggo’ by those that have had the recent unfortunate of passing through. And that is all most tourists do, they hop off the train and straight onto a tour of one of Java’s highlights, and then leave. Beyond Bromo the city has absolutely nothing of note, and any non-Muslims may be surprised to be woken multiple times during the night by the call to prayer which is loudly throughout the entire site and the inability to get alcohol almost anywhere in Probolinggo.
The scams in Probolinggo will start the second you arrive. Overpriced taxis run by the local mafia ensure you have to walk at least 100m down the road as Grab drivers are too scared to pick you up from the station (bus or train), and touts will feed you any lie they need to to get you to open your wallet. Common complaints regarding tours are that drivers randomly decide you want to go to some coffee tasting or other, or they charge hugely inflated prices that elsewhere in the region would be laughable. They have a monopoly, Grab won’t take you to Bromo, the little yellow Bemo’s will take you, but only at inflated prices.
Years of abuse and mismanagement by local regulators has meant entry prices to Bromo now stand at 210,000 – 310,000 (£13 weekday/£20 weekend) which is more expensive than the Louvre in Paris, The Taj Mahal in India and many other world class, world renowned museums/attractions . This a further kick in the face when you see locals pay about 600% less.
No doubt about, once you step into the Bromo basin you will be blown away by the natural beauty. It really is stunning. Yet the closer you get to Bromo you will begin to realise this stunning vista of lunar-esque beauty is teeming with litter, empty bottles, packets, bags, you name it. It is disgusting to see such a dirty place up close. Hike up the broken steps with rusty pieces of metal sticking out and you would be forgiven for wondering where the entry fees are really ending up. Mass tourism has made a decent photograph almost impossible and a lack of funding has meant that Bromo is now little ore than a dirty, unsafe pile of dust at the distant foot of Merapi. A mismanaged area of perfect driving into desperation fuelled by instagramers and filters that mask the dirt.
Leaving Probolinggo is where you will get hit the hardest by the scams. The bus ticket scams have been going on so long they are accepted by everyone, including every other person on your bus. The scam goes like this; You board the bus and some guy gets on with a ticket book looking official and tells you the fare (which is always hugely inflated). You look around and someone nearby tells you the guy is legit so you pay up. He jumps off, then the genuine ticket guy comes around and you have no ticket so pay again. This happened to me, but I was onto him and refused to pay.
The scamster stood up and shouted aggressively at me to pay, pay now, and for the driver to stop. The driver stopped and I was asking locals if this was genuine, everyone ignored me through absolute fear. I was being attempted to be charged 100,000 per person to Banyuwangi. The bus driver off loaded us, and we walked with our things about a mile, waited for the next bus, jumped on and paid the genuine fare. This has been happening for many years and goes unpunished, unregulated and really is a feed down for the absolute contempt everyone in Probolinggo has for foreigners.
Probolinggo is little more than a skid mark in Eastern java, a horrible little city filled with salivating, greedy Indonesians that are a far cry away from the warm, genuine, honest Indonesians you will meet elsewhere in the country. Probolinggo will taint your memory of Java, Bromo will be little more than a let down, and your whole experience of the place will be one of disgust and regret.
Bromo for free
However. There is a way you can get into Bromo with our paying the fee and it is really simple. Ask your driver to drop you off in Cemoro Lawang, at the turning point for the viewpoint. The hotel os called Cemara Indah, right by the mobile phone tower. The locals path goes from there and takes you to the basin completely free. And still, even without paying, I was disappointed.
The only way things might change in Probolinggo is if tourists stop feeding into the city wide scam that behests tourists. Money is all that matters in the city, and only if tourists refuse to feed the greed of the local authority, might someone actually start caring about Bromo for what it is, and not just the downtrodden cash cow it has become.
Java is a stunning island filled with great people who will always serve up a smile in passing, it has jaw dropping natural beauty, centuries old culture, is light on the wallet and a hikers paradise. For some, Java, Indonesia has it all.
Sadly, Java also has extortionate pricing for foreigners which hits families particularly hard. Charging $20 for ‘entry’ to walk up a mountain is bad enough, but a man with 3 kids, aka me, is slammed with an $80 fee for a day out. On top of extortionate fees to get out of pretty much any city in the country. So, when I rocked up to Yogyakarta with the intention of hiking up Merbabu, for those highly acclaimed views over Merapi and the region, I did so with 3 kids and the intention of doing it as cheaply as possible, and this meant not paying the scam fee for Merbabu.
Getting there
Public transport is available from Yogyakarta, websites say you should go via Magelang, you don’t need to. Take the bus to Muntilan, then to Ketap Pass, then onto Selo. The issue with this is that the first bust to Muntilan is not until 6am. We decided to take a grab for 195,000Rp (£12) left our hotel at 5am and was in Selo by 6.30am.
The vast majority of hikers from Yogyakarta hike the Selo route which is the trail from Seleo to Merbabu, they get ditched in Selo village then take an Ojek (motorbike) up to basecamp, pay their fee and head off. We had to avoid this. Being 4 people meant we couldn’t get an Ojek and after some discussion with a guy who wanted 150k to take us the 3km to the Guncik Basecamp we knew we had to walk. The Guncik trailhead (basecamp) is Bukit Gancik Selo Boyolai which is some crazy tourist attraction involving bikes and a wire.
The Hike
Here is the thing, every single step from Selo village to the summit of Merbabu is uphill and few places are steeper than the hike up the pavement from Selo trailhead to the Guncik trailhead. As we sweated up the hill, some guy appeared out of nowhere with impeccable English and started telling me how the Gancik trail was illegal and that we should detour to the Selo trail. Scam bells started ringing. Years of travel have taught me that whenever a young guy turns up out of nowhere and speaks almost fluent English he is scamming you. And he was. He ramped up his scam to level 10 telling me I would be in serious trouble if I hiked the Gancik trail and that he would drive us to the Selo Basecamp. I later realised that cars cant make it to the Gancik trailhead, which eventually becomes a scooter wide path, as steep as physically possible. My scam-o-meter had worked flawlessly.
The trail itself is well marked and and difficult to get wrong. Beginning at Bukit Gancik Selo Boyolali, a sort of tourist attraction where folks with nerves of steel and stupidity cycle across a wire high above the ground. The path is concrete into the forest and the turns into a dirt track that winds upwards. After maybe 90 minutes you meet with the first camping place, and this is where the trail from Selo joins, from this point onwards you are with anyone else on the trail.
Eventually you progress through a number of marked ‘POS’ which I can only assume are ‘positions’. Soon enough (it took us 4 hours) you are signposted for the summit. The hike itself is tough, especially in the heat, but made more difficult due to the amount of dust present and softness of the ground. Every step is literally like walking in sand, but uphill.
The summit is actually a double summit maybe 50 meters apart, both offering the same, stunning view above the clouds and as far as the coastline.
Hiking back down took longer than we had anticipated due to me going over on my knee making stepping on it painful. Total round trip from the village of Selo, back to the village of Selo took us 10 hours.
We took with us 3 litres of water each, some nuts and snacks, and when we realised there were no more buses back to Yogyakarta simply waved a driver down, offered him half a million and were snoozing our way back to Yogyakarta ready to hit town and grab some food by 9pm. Amazing hike, amazing views, amazing day.
So hike Merbabu, avoid the fees and use the must steeper, but much faster Gancik trail.
Malaysia is a stunning country that is home to amazing wildlife, great people, food, culture and one of the worlds great cities, Kuala Lumpur. But Malaysia hates foreigners. With a GDP of of almost a trillion dollars it ranks as the 25th largest economy on earth. Neither a third world country, or a developing one, Malaysia is steaming ahead at breakneck pace and cementing its place as one of the world’s great countries. In Malaysia I have seen stunning beaches, mountains, sunsets, sun rises and just about every other thing in between.
In short I love Malaysia. But Malaysia does not love me, or you, or any foreigner.
Roll up to KLIA and you are little more than a dollar sign to be rinsed for every last cent.
There is split pricing in Malaysia, what that means is that a local might pay 10 ringgit for something, but a foreigner might pay 30 ringgit for the exact same thing. It is endemic, every attraction however significant or insignificant will charge a foreigner more to gain entrance, or experience the same service. I know this happens in other countries, mostly developing, but Malaysia ramps it up to level ten.
If you are travelling with kids, babies in strollers, toddlers clung to your arm, if you don’t have a Malaysia student ID card for your nipper then you cannot prove that person is a child so you will be charged the adult price. Here is the thing, the student ID card is only available to Malaysians. That passport that gained you entrance to the country, nope. Not proof enough of your kids age.
Not content with ripping foreigners off with multi pricing, someone somewhere decided they would charge every single foreigner in Malaysia an extra 10 Ringgit per room per night. If you are a backpacker on a budget, paying about 40 ringgit for your dorm bed, then prepare to get slammed with a 25% tourism tax, on top of the 10% service tax and 6% local tax. Every night. And 10 ringgit might not be much, about $2.50, but if you are here for a few weeks that soon adds up, especially for budget travellers. I did try and research why the government charges this, but all I could find was reports of hotels disagreeing with the charge and saying it is damaging their businesses. So whilst the government leeches of foreigners, it is the people on the ground being hit with the reality of this.
Personally, I believe that the government realised that tourists were stung with multi pricing, and thought why not push it that bit further. Pure greed.
I was waiting for a bus recently, on the fringes of Kuala Lumpur. I had tried to get a taxi (Grab) but there was no service, the two options available was walking, and a bus. With 3 kids, and having just completed a hefty hike, we waited half an hour for a bus. One turned up. I boarded the bus and the driver told me I had to have a ‘touch and go’. I asked where I could get one from, and he responded “everywhere”, I had about $200 cash in my wallet and multiple debit/credit cards, I even had Apple Pay. Yet even though you could apparently get these touch and go things ‘everywhere’ the actual bus was not one of those places. I figured there was an app I could download, and there was. But you needed a Malaysian number to activate it, turns out this couldn’t be used anyway.
The driver refused to let us board and so we began a long walk back to Kuala Lumpur.
The funny thing is, though you are treated very clearly like a second class citizen in Malaysia, they have the audacity to announce 2020 as year of the tourist. I feel bad for the locals who have to face up this tourism tax, or the locals manning a ticket office explaining why a kid in a stroller has to pay adult price, or why a foreigner is charged hundreds of percent more, those are the people really hit by the greed of the Malaysian government. Well, not just those, but any foreigner who actually believed Malaysia was truly Asia. It isn’t. Head to Thailand, where you are not just loved, but loved long time.
Railay beach is the highlight of the Krabi mainland area and with good reason. Every single person heading to the isolated beach does so using a long tail from either Ao Nang or Krabi. I wondered whether you could actually walk from Ao Nang to Railay, and after a bit of thought and planning realised that you can actually walk from Railay, or to Railay from Ao Nang.
If you are in Ao Nang you will likely get a long-tail from the beach, but if you head down to Ao Nam Mao pier, it is 100 Baht each, or 700 Baht for the full boat. Timed services run from 8.30am hourly until 6.30pm. If you walk a little further from the pier to the Arawan Krabi Beach Resort you will see a small little beach with some boats moored.This is where you start or end the walk to Railay from Ao Nang.
The only way this can be walked is if the tide is low, (Krabi, Ao Nang, Railay tide check) on the day we were there low tide was at 3.30pm, so we hopped in a long tail to Railay with the intention of walking back from Railay to Ao Nang.
Since I walked from Railay to Ao Nang you would obviously just follow this in reverse if walking from Ao Nang.
Start/end point for the walk between Railay and Ao Nang
The start point is the far end of the path just past Railay Viewpoint Resort. I have marked on the map, but you need to slip down onto the beach, walk to the steps up to Railay Great View Resort and Spa, but then slip down onto the adjacent beach, East facing beach. Literally you are now on the route back to Ao Nang. I was conscious of the tide, we left about 2pm and the fact that I had kids with me. The beach very soon becomes rocks, which are slippy, but not too much.
Just stick to the coast and eventually you will come to a part that looks impassable, it isn’t, there is a hole in the rocks meaning you can slip straight through and continue. There is also a part where you have to climb around a cliff face, but there are millions of hand holes and foot holes, just watch out for the crabs hiding in them.
Walk from Railay to Ao Nang, low tide essential
The walk was stunning. To know we were the only ones there, and doing something that few, if any people ever do was special.
The whole walk took us about an hour, but I was stopping to take photos and videos, powering it out alone, this could be done within half an hour. At no time did I feel like we were in any danger, and there seemed to be a number of places along the route to chill out if the tide did catch you off guard.
Climbing around the cliff on the walk between Railay and Ao Nang
There was me and 3 kids and so ultimately I only saved 400 Baht by doing this, but money wasn’t the driving factor, the adventure, experience and the fact that I had been told it couldn’t be done was enough.
So what you waiting for, walk from Ao nag to Railay, it is far easier than you are led to believe.
Most travellers to Phuket fly straight in, blow their load and then fly straight out. Yet for those that happen upon Phuket via the portal to Thailand; Bangkok, they are in for a shock. Read on to find out the costs in Phuket, and the best beach in Patong.
Grab is the taxi app of choice in the kingdom, and those that scoot around Bangkok will be well aware of just how much value for money the prices are, factor about 100 Baht for every 20 minutes or so. I mention taxis because this is the first thing that you will be knocked by the second you roll out of whatever it was you arrived on the island of Phuket on. 800 Baht is standard from the airport to pretty much anywhere. Hops from place to place on Phuket, often as little as 10km will cost minimum 400 baht (£10). Local public buses only seem to run from Phuket town but again, charge hefty fees upwards of 150 baht for jumps here and there.
If you are leaving Phuket on land, then you can get pummelled in any of the tour centres, or head straight to Bus Terminal 2 in Phuket town where a bus to Krabi and beyond costs from 153 Baht, which is pretty much the best value you will get on the island.
Food is expensive, happy hours are definitely not happy, and tat is overpriced. However, if you arrive in Phuket in the off season, which just happens to be Europes on season, then you will grab some decent bargains with accommodation starting at 500 Baht upwards for a fairly decent room in Patong.
Costs: (100 Baht = approx £2.50)
Taxi from town to town = 400+
Bus from the airport = 200 each or 800+
McDonald’s = 250
Sub of the day = 120
Beer at a random bar = 90+
Pizza = 260
Thai meal in a restaurant = 300+
Thai meal at street food = 100+
I get these prices still look cheap by western standards, but by Thai standards they are largely inflated.
The main places for backpackers and budget travellers to stay is Patong, Karon and Kata. In that order. Russians tend to congregate in Karon, clueless first timers in Kata, and everyone else in Patong. During summer the beaches of Karon and Kata are deadly, but Patong beach is the best of the three in terms of a surprise undercurrent you didn’t expect, or want.
The best beach in Patong; Chill Beach
Patong beach is home to Bangla walking street, bars, pubs, restaurants, tours, acrobats, street food, a McDonald’s on every street corner, live sex shows and everything in between. A hedonists paradise, there is no where else quite like Patong anywhere else in the country, not in cost, or experience. But Patong does not have the idyllic beach you might be looking for to nurse off a hangover.
Patong’s best beach
Paradise beach a few km up the road purports to be ‘paradise’, so off we went walking there. Every now and again a free shuttle passes us, which turns out was not actually a free shuttle at all. And when we finally got to Paradise beach we found it wasn’t paradise at all, a snide, dirty, overrun little slither of sand charging 200 Baht per person. If you walk back up the steep slope from paradise beach about 100m, then cut down the jungle style overgrowth, you will find what I would call paradise beach. A tiny piece of unoccupied sand, crystal clear water, and a random rope swing. The beach doesn’t have a name, so I have named it chill beach. Simply because, even though we found a snake there, it was pure chill from the heat and hassle of Patong.
All said, Patong is one of those places you have to visit, it is like few places you can imagine, and one of those places you can grab a beer, and walk around living, loving and enjoying life. Along with every other person there.
The great thing about Thailand is that is really does have something for everyone. Those seeking luxury resorts head to Ko Samui, those seeking sweaty sex at $20 a pop head to Bangkok, those seeking hedonism bounce over to Ko Phangan, those looking for a joint and a reason to find themselves whilst humming away in some impossible yoga pose head up to Chiang Mai, Russians head to Phuket and old British men looking to spunk away their pension on questionable girls/boys head to Pattaya. Wheras backpackers head to Ao Nang and the Krabi. Thailand offers a whole lot more, but the halcyon days of 70’s Thailand are long gone. Memories of hiking for miles to unspoilt slithers of perfection lapped by emerald seas have been replaced by highways cutting through jungles with a few limestone cliffs thrown in for good measure.
Thailand to yourself is gone. Long gone. The sanctimonious ‘gap yahr’ers’ will speak in verbose about how they found paradise and claim they were the first people to ever visit, but the truth is that Thailand is no longer untouched. It is a well fettered paradise tinged with culture and pylons that is being overbuilt year on year.
Slack planning, mass tourism and a drive to fill the pockets of anyone interested has taken over. The result is that Thailand is paradise, but only if you go to the right places. Where that ‘place’ is, is subjective. And how you judge such a place depends on many things. Some people want a thatched hut on an island far away from everyone with little more than monkeys swinging in the trees. Others want pure luxury with all the trimmings. Having travelled the country extensively I recommend Krabi province.
Ao Nang and Krabi are well connected throughout Thailand by land and just 3 hours south of Phuket. Perched against the Andaman sea, the nearest airport is in Krabi, some 25km or 300THB away from Ao Nang. Ao Nang itself is nothing special. A typical Thai coastal town complete with McDonald’s, Tesco-Lotus and market stalls looking to shift their Chang vests for 200 baht each. Ao Nang is is dotted with limestone cliffs, palm trees and an unremarkable beach with a hefty current. What Ao Nang offers, is a jumping off point for a zillion paradisiac islands that would sit comfortably on any postcard.
One concern tourists have when headed to the region is whether to stay in Ao nang or Krabi. Truth is, it doesn’t really matter. Ao Nang is certainly more geared towards the tourists with accommodation spanning every budget, whereas Krabi has a more local flair and one of the regions best night markets.
Anywhere in Ao Nang or Krabi will whip you up a tour that will fulfil your Thai island craving. Snorkelling comes as standard and most boats pack a set for no charge. Fancy riding an elephant, no problem, flash 500 Baht and you’ll be on a pachyderm named chimichanga in no time. A thousand baht will ensure you are zooming around on an ATV like you own the place, 1500 Baht will have you island hopping amongst the Chinese and 2000+ baht will make you the king of the Krabi area.
What is guaranteed is that if you take a tour, any tour, you will not be alone and the dreams of vibrancy rich photographs on an idyllic palm swept Thai island will be short lived. If you want a beach to yourself, limestone cliff in the back ground, camera depth set to soft. If you want rich green palm trees swaying above empty pieces of talcum powder like beaches then ask for it.
Find a local with a boat and a smoke. Tell him you want paradise, then offer him a third of what he asks for.
Must do side trips:
Railay
Railay Beach with kids
If you are coming from Krabi, you’ll pay 150THB each for a long tail over to Railay East, a tiny slither of sand shown on the photo below to the right. This is where the hike to the viewpoint is, just swing a left after getting off the jetty and follow the path round. The walk takes about 15 minutes and is quite easy. Even with kids.
Railay West is where the best beach and most of the restaurants and hotels are. Expect prices almost double what they are else where in the region. If you are coming from Ao Nang you will get ditched here, prices are 200THB per person, each way.
The last boat bails at 6pm. Stingy tourists looking to hike over the mountains are out of luck. Geography and physics make it impossible for all but the most desperate and hardiest of travellers.
Khao Ngorn Nak, aka Dragon Crest Trail
Dragons Crest Trail with kids
This gorgeous hike is just 3.7km long and will have you sweating in no time. Getting there from Ao Nang takes about 30 minutes and is about 400THB each way, dont worry about arranging return transport, this can be done at the trail by the ranger.
We opted to hire a scooter for 200THB and make our own way there.
Sign in at the rangers desk, grab a bottle of water and head off. This is proper jungle, and it feels like the place is alive, vibrant in colour and noise. It is up hill for the first 30 minutes, then levels out slightly, then after the second flight of stairs chills a bit. I am told the average return time is 4hours, with the average ascent taking just over 2 hrs.
We did the scent in 1hr 30mins and was finished after a total 2hrs 45mins. This was in heavy rain meaning we got no view from the summit. But the hike itself is well worth it.
Tiger Cave Temple
A sweaty trundle up 127 steps to a temple atop a limestone cliff. Every bit as leg wearing as you can imagine. This temple can be walked to from Krabi Town, or is just 50THB in one of those truck/taxi things.
The temple is two fold. The one at the bottom, which is pretty and worth a look. Then the one up the stairs. The stairs are a relentless hike upwards, made even more difficult by the continual count on the posts. Personally I would rather not know, and to be reminded every few minutes of how little you’ve actually done is soul destroying. A definite must do if in Krabi, offering up decent views of the bay.
Krabi Night Market
Each weekend a part of Krabi springs to life courtesy of local vendors, street food and live music. The market is famous throughout the region and is a must do for anyone nearby. Stalls sell homemade Thai food from simple noodles and fish to deep fried bugs, pancakes and everything in between. You can buy a number of things, shoot teddies with a BB gun, get a tattoo, or simply enjoy live music with a beer.
Most popular islands around Ao Nang:
Ko Lao Ka: Google images lies. Yes it is picturesque, yes it is gorgeous, but due to the trillion Chinese tourists it is impossible to enjoy. Literally 90% of China descended onto the island during our visit. The waters were murky and even the fish bailed. A stifling realisation that this was not the Thailand we hoped for meant that we bounced shortly after arrival.
Ko Pak Ka: Gorgeous. Arrive early for some stunning shots of one of the countries most beautiful islands. The Chinese descend after lunch so be sure to make this your money shot early on.
Hong Island: Garbage. Touted as being some breathtaking slice of beauty, it is not. Ok, the sea is a lovely colour but the beach literally has a pipe running down the centre of it spewing shit into the place where everyone swims. Tough to get a decent photo due to the remaining 10% of China being here. The nature walk is a contender for the worlds worst nature hike.
Poda Island: Probably the most perfect island in the region. You have to pay 200THB entrance since it is a national park. It is also the only island I have ever been to in Thailand where we have had a gorgeous, white sand beach licked with turquoise waters to ourselves. Long tails were 150THB each way.
Worth a mention…
Ko Phi Phi: Gutted that I didn’t hit this place up years back. A collection of islands, In the 70’s folk swung in hammocks, smoked weed and listened to Bob Marley in probably the most perfectly beautiful place on earth. Clear turquoise seas teeming with angel fish offered respite from the searing heat and those that came for a few days ended up staying weeks and months. Now, Phi Phi offers gorgeous scenery saturated with tourism. No longer the Eden it once was, Phi Phi is now a magnet for everyone seeking perfection in SE Asia and it does still deliver. For how long is anyone’s guess. That said, as of 2018 Maya Bay is now closed to tourists. No one in Ao Nang/Krabi will tell you this.
Islands around Krabi with kids
Thailand is a place that is changing and has been changing ever since the first tourist sipped milk from a coconut, for many it is a paradise lost, but for anyone seeking a well oiled trail through dream like perfection then Thailand is still the place to go. There is of course much more to the country than a town in Krabi, but if you are short on time and innovation, Krabi is the place to make your way to.
I love Thailand, and the Thai people. It is just one of those places where no one really gives much of a shit about anything. The sort of place you can come, relax and not be judged, not be questioned and be whoever or whatever you want to be.
I will continue to bring my family to one of the best places in Asia, filled with some of the warmest, most welcoming people you will ever meet. Arrive in Thailand relaxed, willing to smile, ready to laugh and caked in sun cream and you will likely have one of the best holidays of your life.
Pumping music, neon lights, ultra modern malls, uber modern technology, a skytrain, metro system, fun seekers looking for a short time or a long time, parties, skyscrapers, backpackers, flashpackers and everyone in between. A hedonistic paradise intertwined with Buddhism, temples, shrines, deities and a firm nod at a stunning history. Oh. And Khao San Road. Bangkok has been tempting foreigners for decades and is now laying stake to being the beating heart of SE Asia. A claim which is hard to deny.
Everything in Bangkok is fake, I’d question even my own mum’s authenticity if she was there. The best malls are the tourist driven MBK mall, a place geared to fleece tourists, but still offering up good prices, for more local prices head to ‘fashion mall’, which might possibly be a portal to China. If you are looking for tech head to ‘Pantip Plaza’ just down the road. Bangkok is the city of giving, if you want something and cant find it. Ask and watch it become instantly available.
Driving in and out of Bangkok is a nightmare, for a large part of the day the city is a traffic jam, but taxis booked through Grab are insanely cheap. I’m talking a 40 minute ride being the equivalent of $5. The metro and skytrain are a gift, but are regularly rammed. Bangkok for all its modernity has yet to come up with a slick way of knocking out tickets and unbelievably, if there is more than one of you, might actually be more expensive than a taxi.
Every tourists should hit up some history.
A great place to start is Wat Rakangkositaram, don’t expect to get a decent photo as there is also every other tourist in Bangkok is there. Then hop on a boat across the river to Wat Phra Chetuphon to see the golden Buddha, an epic sized rendition of Siddhartha himself. Wade through the tourists up to the Grand Palace and the Emerald Buddha. Ensure you allow 100 Baht for the fleecing at the entrance, unless your attire conforms. Then, head to one of the many, many street food outlets and get the obligatory salmonella. It’s happened to me. That tasty, moist looking piece of chicken on a stick that has you drooling, will very soon have you on the toilet. For three days. Maybe four.
Bangkok during monsoon
If you are a backpacker then you will likely find yourself on Khao San road. No longer the seed fest it was a few years back. Formally it was a dread lock, mosquito bitten, baggy trousers type place where people were out to meet people, fuelled by alcohol. It is now a boutique style place dotted with a bit of neon and filled with middle class kids that believe air travel was invented for them and that Khao San was designed with their homecoming in mind. Expect vowels to be extenuated and shady looking henna to abound. A reminder that you are still in Thailand is regular thanks to the frequent grey haired, portly British guy with a T shirt way too tight for him, arm in arm with a Thai girl way to young for him. Money talks in Bangkok and opens more than just doors.
Baling Bangkok is easy. Head to 12Go Asia and input your details. Alternatively, find one of the zillion tour operators in the city and continue onwards. You will pay more, have more hassle, and likely hate every second of the journey. But the Thais are good, honest people. If they say they will get you to Ko Samui, they will get you there.
When you consider Bangkok has hotels that cater for every budget, restaurant and food vendors that wing out food for as little as a few pence, a 7-Eleven on every other corner and a Family Mart on those in between, it has cinemas, world class malls, and an access to everything any human on earth could ever want. It is ninja cheap to get around, is brimming with history and has a fab climate. It is hated by many, and loved by so many more. Though all things considered. It might just be the best city on earth for backpackers. In fact. It probably is.
The Mekong delta is, as the name suggests a delta in southern Vietnam. A rich land of farming and teeming with life, the delta is the workforce of the nation and one of the most intensely farmed regions anywhere in SE Asia, half of all the rice produced in Vietnam, and almost 60% of the fish caught, is done so in the Mekong. From the air it appears to be a large carpeted portion of land shaded with every green imaginable and struck with vast river systems. For the tourist, guide books will tell you that the Mekong is a fantastic opportunity to see the Vietnamese at work, in their element and to visit the wonderful floating markets dotted throughout the province. An absolute must see region and one which will deliver on promises of an amazing look at Vietnamese life.
The reality is somewhat different.
Having flown into Phu Quoc on the super-dodgy 25 minute hop from Saigon, the journey back was to take a little, well, longer, on the Superdong hydrofoil. You can either sail to Hat Tien (perfect if heading to Cambodia) or Rach Gia (perfect if heading to HCM). Current times and prices are published here: http://www.phuquocislandguide.com/phu-quoc-island-ferry-schedules-fares/
We were headed to Rach Gia and the bumpy, boring crossing took 2hrs 30 minutes, to the minute. Off the ferry it was a short walk to the central bus station since there is no real need to hang around in the port city. Coming from relatively traffic free Phu Quoc it was a awakening to be back amongst the madness of chaotic traffic and the orchestra of horns. Constantly. A reality that many people don’t realise is that the only people in Vietnam that speak English are either hoteliers or hustlers. I know,youre reading this thinking ‘my taxi driver speaks English’ – Please refer to hustler. We found central bus station within a 10 minute mooch and instantly attracted the usual scruffy looking, shirt half buttoned up scamster that loiters around every single bus station in SE Asia. First up he asked where we were going and I gave him the benefit of the doubt; “Can Tho”. Then the oldest transport scam ever invented began. Seriously, it was invented before transport was; “No, no, no, wrong station”. But guess what, he just happened to be able to take us to the correct one for $20. Now, you have to actually give him some credit, it was very possible (and actually turned out to be true) that the bus to Can Tho left from another station. But in SE Asia generally, and in Vietnam specifically, if you are travelling by coach a fair distance, the bus company either calls at all bus stations, or will connect you via mini bus laid on for free. As I was trying to figure out whether he was being genuine, he would quickly run ahead to where we were going and say something in Vietnamese meaning literally every single door was closed for us. He was constantly telling me I was wrong, I had no respect, and it was starting to get aggressive, others were now involved. I walked to the bus station exit and sat down, knowing that eventually the bus would have to pass by, I was surrounded by about 15 guys all literally stood laughing at me and trying to goad me.
Eventually, after about 30 minutes the guy gave in, he swore at me, mumbled something and wondered off. The crowd dispersed and some woman gestured me to follow her. Within minutes I had a ticket and by 6.30pm was en route to Can Tho after a connection to a station just outside of town. But generally, in the Mekong it got to the point where if we stopped for even a second, someone would approach us trying to hustle us.
The bus pulled into Can Tho at 9.30pm after an awful, mosquito riddled journey through thunderstorms. Seriously, the roads are just ridiculous, passengers were pretty much thrown around for 3 hours combined with being eaten alive by king size, man eating mosquitoes. Which, by the way carry malaria meaning I was dosed up on Malarone.
Once at the bus station, I knew it was about 2 miles to the hotel. Basically, in Vietnam taxis charge around 17,000VND per km. Which is about a dollar a mile. I was being quoted $10 and no one would budge, to the point when I offered $5 I was laughed at. Which actually seems to be a recurring theme in the Mekong, people just stand and laugh at you whilst mocking you in Vietnamese. In any case, I decided to walk.
The following morning it was time for some cruising through the Delta and genuinely this was the only thing that actually was easy in our entire time in the south. I was looking out over the river and an old woman approached me, she was straight to the point 100,000VND ($5) for an hours boat tour, 200,000VND ($10) for 3 hours. I mean how can you morally even try and bargain that? $5 for an hours work, I took her up on her offer and like a ninja, her husband appeared out of nowhere with a shady looking wooden boat. We boarded and were off for a wonderful mini tour of the Mekong. No scams, no boat breakdowns outside a floating restaurant, no hard sell, nothing at all. Just a silent water tour of the jungled clad islands around Can Tho, the sound broken only by the rickety sounding engine as it struggled in the water. It was a fantastic respite and window into the hardworking lives of some of the most purposeful individuals in the region.
From Can Tho we slowly made our way to Vinh Long which is a basically Can Tho with a bit more character, but ultimately not much different. Another boat ride and I started to fall in love with the beauty, Vinh Long is far more natural, the concrete exchanged for wood, the scams more obvious, the roads worse. I was actually supposed to stop in My Tho an hour up the road as part of the trail through the Mekong, but again it rained, the hassle was intense and the mosquitoes ripping my ankles and elbows to shreds despite wearing trousers and socks. I had just had enough.
The bus to Saigon took about 5 hours but was supposed to take 3 due to the terrible road conditions. Still, I didn’t care much. I thought I was free of the hassle of the Mekong as we pulled up in Ho Chi Minh. The bus station is about 9km out of town, everyone was boarding a mini bus that was supposed to take every one into the centre (Benh Thanh), I swear this is true, we stepped up to the door and it was slammed in our face, everyone on the mini bus was laughing, had I not moved out of the way we would have got run over as it sped away. I was stood for a few seconds wondering what had just happened and guy grabs my arm: “Mister, taxi, where you go”, I replied “Benh Thanh”, “ok $30, come with me…” So, I began the 9km walk into town in thirty degree heat with just one thing on my mind – It would’ve cost me $30 to fly direct out of Phu Quoc, but instead I travelled on land, got eaten by mosquitoes, ripped off and spent much more on land moneywise, what an absolutely stupid thing to do. I am supposed to write about how green, amazing and beautiful the Mekong is, but honestly, stick to day trips. Travelling through that delta is just not worth the hassle. At all. In fact, I will go one step further, if you go to Phu Quoc, avoid the whole of the south of Vietnam. Head no further south than Nha Trang, or continue on to Cambodia. South Vietnam is just not worth the hassle or involuntary blood donations to Mosquitoes inc.
