In Vietnam there is no minimum drinking age. I have no idea why, perhaps the legislatures in Vietnam decided that rather than dictate the lives of everyone telling them when they can drink, how much they should drink, how much fruit they should eat etc etc that its probably best to let the people decide. Now i know, as a British citizen myself that concept is very hard to understand – How can a government not interfere? Its a foreign concept i agree.
However, in the same way young pot heads head en mass to Amsterdam, or Virgins head to Thailand, well… I let Charlie have a Pinacolada(sp). There he is in the photo above getting legless on Bacardi, Pineapple juice and Coconut… Not really, he didn’t actually like it and as much as he was determined to finish it he was stopped in his tracks when i called it a day. Still, i hope he remembers his first proper drink was sat on a beach surrounded by palm trees in Vietnam 🙂
Christmas just gone i had severe flu. Which obviously was made far worse by the fact i was male. For the females that are unaware; In the male body is a hormone known as Testosterone, when a man gets flu, or a cold it interacts with Testosterone and becomes far worse. Just think, the next time you have flu – How bad you feel. Well have some sympathy for us men, we feel it so much more. Research has shown that colds and flu in men are approximately 10 times worse than those in females.
Anyway, i was genuinely bad at Christmas. I was laid in bed one night watching Top Gear Vietnam special. Whilst in Vietnam they came to Hoi An and bought some suits made from silk. Basically Hoi An is a 600 year old trading port which once was the biggest in Asia. Which going by the size of the place doesn’t really say a lot. Either way it was huge on trading and since silk was the in thing back then it has kind of stuck. I have been asked to make a quick edit to the part about lying in bed alone watching the Top Gear special – I am convinced i was, but on this earth there are 2 women who are always right – End of story. My mother is one, and my ickle mans mother is the other. She has expressed outrage and has insisted that i watched it with her – The evidence… She just knows. Thats that sorted then.
So i got Abi measured up for a silk Vietnamese attire. She was measured yesterday and i picked the dress up today. It cost 80,000 VND which is about 3 quid. She is wearing it in the photo. I think she looks beautiful.
A quick 45 minute flight and we landed in Danang. An hour’s taxi ride later and we were at our hotel in Hoi An. Hoi an is a sleepy fishing village that wouldn’t look out of place on some rustic wall painting. It is probably the most picturesque village I have been to outside of provincial France, or Italy. This is a place where cars are pretty nonexistent, the reason is very simple – The village remains as it was when it was built many years ago and before cars were built or common place. Of course this means that the roads are narrow and not big enough for cars – Which is great, pretty much the whole of Hoi An is reserved exclusively for pedestrians and bikes. Anyway, after we had checked into the hotel we tried the hotel pool, but it’s too deep for Abi. So we decided to head for Hoi An which is about 3km from our hotel and connected by a shuttle bus which runs at probably the most awkward timings imaginable. We had missed the bus and faced a 3 hour wait for another so I decided to get a taxi. Then something caught my eye – Motorcycle rental $6 per day. I went and investigated it and $6 later, not a single contract signed, no insurance agreed and not even so much of a sniff at my driving licence and all three of us were comfortably zooming off down the road. I was a little cautious, because the last time I hired a motorcycle on holiday it ended up in driving down a motorway the wrong way, nearly getting killed on a roundabout and was the cause of some major arguments in Mexico. Still, away we went. It didn’t take us long to be completely lost. In fact we were so lost I didn’t even have the slightest idea which direction to go. So we just drove about, it was brilliant. We saw real Vietnam; it was just as id imagined Vietnam to be. About an hour later and somewhere on this country lane out in the middle of nowhere Abi spotted what she thought was the sea. So we made for there and pulled over. We walked up banking and there was this amazing beach with fishing boats all along it. Not a single person in sight. We chilled out for a bit and then were off again. Before long we were on a long coastal road which looked like the one we had travelled down earlier. So we headed along it. About half hour later I spotted a Pagoda showing itself above some trees on the side of a mountain. So we went towards it. Not long later we parked up and climbed the world’s steepest steps up to it. At the top was a Buddha Temple, there were caves behind it which we went into. Inside the deep caves were statues and incense sticks burning. It was brilliant. Anyway we got back on the bike and continued down the coastal road; soon I noticed a huge statue on the side of a mountain. So passing through a fishing village and heading up a mountain after about half hour we arrived. We parked up and heard singing. So we went up and were suddenly in the centre court of a Monastery. Monks were doing their thing and I half wondered whether we should actually be there. When I spotted another tourist I realized it was open and we mooched about. I have to say, it really was an experience. Charlie has been fascinated with Monks ever since we saw one in China, so he really was in his element. The heat had really started to get to us and so we did one. It took us about an hour to get back to the hotel once we realized that it was a simple 40km down this road. When we got in we compared our sunburn, yet again I’ve been absolutely blasted, Charlie has got burned knees and Abi – Well, apart from red cheeks and a bikini strap line she is fine. After we had felt sorry for ourselves we headed for a restaurant on the side of the river in Hoi an and had a lovely meal. Cost – Bike for the day, 2 meals for 3 people and drinks – 500,000 Dong – About 15 quid. We love Vietnam 🙂
As I sit at Hanoi airport I notice something very apparent. When you are in the streets of Hanoi it is madness, I don’t know the death rate on the roads but I would guess it is very high. It really does defy belief that a country lets the roads operate in such an unsupervised and deadly manner. However, whenever you get inside a shop, a restaurant or an airport etc, then everyone slows down. No one rushes, the guy who was stood in front of me at check in didn’t have the slightest care in the world that he had been wasting time for almost 20 minutes – Not once did the thought that he might sort himself out then re queue enter his head. Saying that it didn’t enter the head of the woman at check in either.
Walking through the airport no one seemed to think that perhaps piling their bags up, rather than trying to break the world record for having the longest continuous line of luggage occur to anyone. And it’s the same in restaurants. Don’t expect for someone to come and see if you need another drink, or don’t expect any manners whatsoever, you could leave a million dong tip and from my experience at best you might get a grunt. Good service is certainly something I never experienced in Hanoi. But I tell you what makes me laugh, loads of people walk round with face masks on – Obviously fearful for some airborne virus, which is fair enough. Yet those same people drive on roads more deadly than even those in Cairo and eat at places which could easily be passed off as bacterial breeding grounds.
Anyway, yesterday morning I went to pick up my laundry from the hotel and was told it was not ready and wouldn’t be until the afternoon, even though I had specifically asked that I would definitely be ready for the morning and was assured 100% it would. So wearing the same clothes and fuming we headed out for a taxi to go see Ho Chi Minh’s Mausoleum. I didn’t tell the kids because they were really looking forward to seeing Lenin in Moscow which never happened.
We turned up at the huge park where Ho Chi Minh lies in rest and dropped our bags off. The place is very militaristic and there are soldiers in pristine white immaculate uniforms all with their rifles and bayonets fitted. I have to say they looked very impressive, as did the exterior of the mausoleum, a huge marble tomb. The entrance is very well coordinated and along a red carpet you walk into the mausoleum, up some stairs and into a room. The silence is deafening, in the centre of a dark room is a glass cabinet dimply lit with a bed in it. In the bed lies Ho Chi Minh, covered up to his chest he lies with his hands on the cover. The kids were looking in awe; it is the first dead person they have seen. Around the glass cabinet on each corner is a Vietnamese soldier kneeled down with the huge duty of guarding the body of the most respected Vietnamese person to ever live. I had told both kids just as were going on what they would say and made it explicitly clear that did they not wish to look they could turn away at any time and I would shield their view.
As it happens both kids really enjoyed the experience. Afterwards we trawled the markets of Old Hanoi and then had an early night as we all looked forward to getting to the beach the following day.
Nha Trang
The flight was a short 90 minutes and was on time, despite the age and state of the plane we landed safely in Nha Trang on schedule. After collecting our luggage we walked into arrivals and were greeted by someone holding a card with my name on. He took us to the transport and about 20 minutes later we were at the resort. Set at the feet of mountains and on a white sandy bay the resort really is beautiful. Palm trees with Coconuts, tropical greenery and foliage litter the resort in such a natural way. We headed to the reception and like every other building it is made from wood, with a thatched roof and no walls, only blinds hand made from cane. A cocktail was handed to me and fruit juice to the kids. It was very welcome in the 34 degree dry arid heat. The first time we had escaped the humidity which we had been used to. Before long we were into our skiddys and by the pool side. The pool really is something else, the kids absolutely loved it. Whilst the depth at one side was only 0.9m Abi was adamant she needed a life jacket and would just happily float around whilst Charlie just tried to perfect his swimming underwater. I did get them both an inflatable ball but in an almost divine sort of way whilst Charlie was playing with it a hole simply appeared. But the hole was so clever; it took on the form of teeth mark… But they weren’t Charles. No, the hole just simply appeared. Perhaps it was one of the fish in the pool? I mean I did count about none. Who knows?
The following day we saw some boats on the beach and decided to borrow one. We sailed about a half mile from shore to a little floating platform made from canes. On the platform was a rocking chair, the kids sat and relaxed whilst I was wondering how much better life can get. After a while a boat pulls up and 5 Vietnamese fishermen board the platform – which wasn’t really that big. Looking pissed right off they set up their fishing rods and started to fish. We got the hint and got in the boat. I don’t know if we annoyed them even more as we sailed away in absolute stitches.
The resort is about a fifteen minute journey from Nha Trang itself. Shuttle buses are provided. We went to town each day, mainly to try some local food or to at least do something in our days fill with nothing. By the second day I was very badly sunburned – It had been 40 degrees and like a dick I had underestimated the sun. Usually I just go a darker brown than I am already – No, this time it really was Lobsters on South Beach. The kids have clearly been given the massage skills of their mother (if i remember correctly – It has been some time since i was last privvy to the back breaking torture that she passes off as a massage) in that what should be relaxing when they rub in the after sun becomes painful and rough.
That night we headed to Nha Trang beach and watched the sunset – It was perfect. Warm beer, the kids playing in the sand, me needing a piss but there being no toilet – It was something else.
Our final day in the resort and we decided to venture over some rocks. The bay is not too big and at one end there are loads of rocks, I was convinced there would be another bay at the other side of the rocks. After about half hour and absolutely sweltering heat I heard some music, proper cheesy euro pop. We knew there was some sort of a party going on which of course we were headed to crash. Eventually we found this wooden building; it was set back slightly from the bay I was sure that would be there. It was a wedding and there were loads of tables, we sat down at the back and I started to film the funky karaoke and snidey magician. Instantly we were spotted and it wasn’t too long before I had a beer in my hand and the kids were eating fresh prawns and fruit. Charlie was sporting a new baseball cap given to him – and signed by some guy who could barely stand. And that was us, we spent the next few hours getting at someone’s wedding getting drunk and eating all sorts for free. It was great. The kids were loving the campest Vietnamese magician there is and I was sat enjoying having a drink and wondering how more surreal things could get – I got it all on video and it really does have to be seen to be believed! It really was a great day. We somehow got back to the resort and ended up in Nha Trang where we had dinner whilst watching the sunset – I only know this because Charlie told me 😉
And that was Nha Trang, an amazing little hideaway, my favourite beach destination in the world (Apologies go out to Clearwater FL, and La Isla Majures Mexico) But Nha Trang was superb. Absolutely amazing. Next stop Danang and Hoi An…
First of all let’s get something sorted – I’m a millionaire, not everyone knows that. But I am, in fact if I go to my bank balance right now I have tens of millions in there. I’m not going to disclose how much, but It is an amount which would make most people’s eyes water. Of course, each million may only be about 40GBP but in Vietnam I’m a millionaire 🙂 In fact we ate out a few hours ago and it cost a cool 300k, which of course take a little getting used to, I mean it’s not often you have 2 million of anything in 500k notes in your wallet!
Anyway, Hanoi.
I have had someone specifically email me and ask about Vietnam, particularly with kids, so I’ll try and explain the best I can. But bear in mind we are slightly out of Hanoi in the Old Quarter, which pretty much is where it’s all happening.
Costs: Small bottle of water – 4000 Dong or 14 pence Beer – 10,000 Dong or 35 pence Meal for 3 at budget restaurant with drinks/beer – 80,000 dong or 2.80 GBP Meal for 3 at posh restaurant with far too much beer – 300,000 dong or 10.50 GBP 15 min taxi ride – 15,000 dong or 50p
I’ll start with money; first of all I was fully aware that it’s near impossible to get Vietnamese Dong outside of Vietnam since its illegal for the currency to leave the country. But I knew that in Vietnam the Dollar is king. However, many foreigners turn up here with a huge wad of dollars and have no problems, but you almost invariably pay more in dollars than you would in VND. A good guide is that for each $1 a shop will accept it as approx 12,000 dong, the exchange would give you 18,000 dong. So obviously whilst the dollar is very handy for when you first tip up, get some local currency, I just used the ATM and be prepared for the 20k sting for the privilege.
It’s tough to think where to start, but before I get onto my first day I’ll try and set the scene, first of all be prepared for a shock. Hanoi is nothing like I expected and everything that I couldn’t have began to envisage. It is simple, you will either love Hanoi or you will hate it. There is no in between. I can completely see why so many people will be begging for the date of their flight outbound to come. It is full on, pavements are pretty nonexistent and as such you have to try and struggle on the road where millions of motorbikes and scooters are all trying to do the same thing. The heat is brutal, fair enough I’m here in the hottest month of the year but it knows no bounds, it is very hot and saps every bit of your energy whilst making you sweat like crazy. It’s far too hot to wear a vest – you would be Lobsters on South Beach in no time, yet wearing even the thinnest cotton shirt leaves you drenched in sweat, you can actually feel it dripping off your face and body. On top of that you have the constant hassle of tuck tuck drivers and people selling things, they are a nightmare, walk a hundred metres and you will have no less than 50 and I’m not exaggerating people all pestering you. It is a constant battle. Twice today I have confronted someone for grabbing my daughters arm. This is no joke, both times I had hold of her hand and felt a tug, a guy had hold of her arm, the first let go once I told him to, the second was trying to beckon her to him, I had to physically grab his hand and tell him to let go, when he still persisted the tone changed slightly and he let go. Another huge problem is the shops. In China 99% of shops would charged what the local price was, not here. No, there are 3 different prices. The first price is the ridiculous price, the one which just makes me depressed that someone would actually think I am so thick to believe that is the price. The second price is the price that I put forward – Which is instantly laughed at. The third price is the price I put forward as I walk away. I’m sure you can see what I mean. For instance, earlier Charlie wanted a fan, so I waited to be hounded by someone selling a fan and asked how much – She told me 80,000 Dong, now that is ridiculous, never in a million years is a fan 80k. So I said no chance and she asked how much id pay for it, I said 20k, she said no 50k, so I said no 20k and she said no 30k, so I said no and started to walk away. Then she said 25k so I agreed. As it happens I gave her 26k since I only had 2k notes and was hardly going to wait for 3 pence change.
Buying water is a huge mission, I don’t mind paying slightly over the odds for something, but everything I buy is a haggle, which I don’t mind, but it would be nice to just be able to go and buy a bottle of water without a problem.
But let me explain, first of all I know full well that when someone tells me 10k for a small bottle of water is marked up over 100% but 10k is still only 30 pence, many people will no doubt just pay it and be happy they got a bottle of water much cheaper than in the UK, most would not bother to haggle over the 5k or 15 pence. That is fine, but I like to pay the local price and to get the best deal I can. Not because I’m tight but because why should I pay more? Why should I willingly be ripped off? Now, Lonely Planet assures me that not everyone is out to rip you off. Again LP falls short of the standard they claim to adhere to. I have yet to go into a shop and not be tried to be ripped off, to not be overcharged. The only time I have paid without haggling was when Abi got her hat. I knew in my mind id pay up to 50k for one. I had no idea what they cost. I was told the initial price of 20,000 or 60 pence. I was more than happy with that price and paid it. But some advice, if you are going to haggle and you really should, there are a few unwritten rules. Firstly haggling is a normal and expected part of buying and selling something. To refuse a price given to you is expected by the seller and is something which is as normal here as not waiting for your 1p change in England. Do not be afraid to refuse a price, the first price you are given is almost certainly marked up since they expect you to negotiate. The second and probably most important thing is not to get frustrated or kick off. If you don’t want to buy something you can walk away at any time, if they don’t want to accept your price they too can walk away. Getting angry is a huge Faux pas. I have been laughed at today when I’ve given a price, but I’ve always walked away with it at that price or only marginally more. The third rule is to know what things cost, it’s no good arguing you want something for 2k when 5k is the going rate – Be confident. Don’t be bullied, don’t be afraid to strike a deal, I was quoted 10k for a small bottle of water and I said no ill give you 5k, he said no. So I said I’ll give you 10k but I want 2 bottles – He accepted. But perhaps the most important rule is that if you agree a price pay it. Don’t ever argue over a price then when you get that price change it. If you agree on 5,000 and it’s eventually accepted don’t then say “no, actually 4,000” It’s not the done thing and is completely out of order.
But despite everything I’ve said above we love Hanoi, yeah it’s a pain, hectic, brutally hot and you are constantly hounded we love it. I think maybe it’s because the kids and I are fully aware of why the Vietnamese behave like they do. Sheer desperation has forced them into a life where put simply they exist to exist. I can see why people get angry and frustrated and perhaps want to leave. But if you just realise that many of these people have nothing. The women hounding you or trying to overcharge you almost certainly have children at home hungry – Can you really blame them for wanting to try and get that bit more? Of course you can’t. To them you are a Westerner and in your wallet you probably have more than they earn in a month – As an example the average household income in Vietnam is $200, which is $2400 per year or 1400 GBP, that roughly equates to just less than 4 quid a day for a family. I spent twice that today on Dinner – It’s not hard to see why they try it on.
But what we’ve done. Well we went for the most amazing breakfast as promised – Across Asia when invited to a home it is customary to bring a gift. I was up early buying fresh fruit and bread which was very much appreciated. After breakfast we headed for Kiem Lake which is supposedly some beautiful lake in the centre of Hanoi – In reality it is a lake which is green with a pagoda thrown in for good measure and a temple. The temple we visited which was very beautiful. But not even comparable to what we saw in China. We bought tickets for the Water Puppet show at 1530, headed for some Lunch and then went to the Hotel to cool down and rehydrate.
So we went to the Puppet show. I had huge expectations for this, it is renowned the world over for being the only water puppet show on earth, is hundreds of years old and is crap. I was bored after 10 mins, the kids seemed marginally impressed although both did say they enjoyed it, I felt they were just humoring me. Don’t get me wrong, the puppeteers are obviously great at what they do, it’s just what they do isn’t really that great.
So we headed for a posh restaurant on the Lake side and had a great dinner washed down with local beer (well Sprite for the kids)
Burned out and in need of some major air con we are now back in the hotel, the kids building a statue out of water bottles, me writing this and having a few Tigers.
In terms of what it’s like for kids – Of everywhere we’ve been so far Hanoi is the place where i have seen the most foreigners – Mostly French, but i have also seen plenty of families. I don’t think it’s great for kids, you have to walk on the road and are constantly avoiding heavy traffic, people touching kids. But know how to address things and it’s fine.
But Hanoi is a very intimidating place, but know what you are doing and it might well be the most full on place you have ever been – But it’s great.
